Standing as you kneel

In cybertime, it’s been AGES since I last updated this blog.

Thank You Lord, that at 30 years old, you have allowed me to have a life chock-full of memories. This Shabbat, reading my old journals was a blast. I like what I wrote on April 18, 2001 (ten years ago!):

“The only way for me to stand on my own two feet, is by kneeling down before You, God.”

At that time, I was going through my “crisis of self.” During my teens, the Worldwide Church of God was going through tremendous changes. However, those who stayed in the congregation I attended seemed to be fine. They would give comforting smiles, speak and pray as if changing was the most natural thing to do, and that the changes fit them well. But many of my dear friends, who I grew up seeing every Sabbath, were no longer there during Sunday services. Many parents left the church with all their children in tow. Some just stopped coming regularly, showing up only on important occasions. Including my parents.

Many times it felt like I was the only one going through that dreaded phrase: “identity crisis.” Sometimes the anxiety and confusion caused me such pain, it taught me what despair means. And I thank the Holy Spirit for always reminding me of King David’s words: “O God, hear my cry for help! Pay attention to my prayer! From the most remote place on earth I call out to you in my despair. Lead me up to an inaccessible rocky summit! Indeed, you are my shelter, a strong tower that protects me from the enemy. I will be a permanent guest in your home; I will find shelter in the protection of your wings.” (Psalm 61:1-4)

His words helped me cope, and became my anchor in the turbulent sea of change. The promise of YHWH’s constant presence became the air to my sails. And He has always led me safely through, storms and all. Praise be to Him!

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